I had a call early this morning from the nurse looking after Mum to say that the registrar wanted to talk to me and could I get over today. We arranged that I would go at about 12 noon. I suspected, from the experience of the last four occasions, that this was the ‘there is nothing more we can do for her’ talk. The last time I insisted that we did this over the phone because frankly, I knew what they were going to say and didn’t actually need to make a special journey to hear it person. Of course, Mum was fine after a few days. I didn’t have the energy to argue this time and of course I needed to see Mum anyway so no harm to combine the two.
It never quite works out though. After I’d made my way though the hospital maze and found Mum I asked a doctor at the nurse’s station if they were the person I needed to talk to, she said yes but that she’d ‘be in in a minute’ waving me towards Mum’s bay.
Mum didn’t look too great, unconscious and struggling for breath in her oxygen mask, but when I started talking to her she began to come round. It was lunch time and the nurses had only brought her a yoghurt because they couldn’t get her to wake up at breakfast time. Mum indicated that she’d like more than a yoghurt and I fed her some bolognese pasta type thing. She was quite chatty by now and although a little confused she was talking about things that had happened last week.
Still no sign of the doctor who I might have had an appointment with but then another doctor arrived to take a blood sample. During the couple of minutes she was at Mum’s bedside she asked if I would like a catch up of what’s been going on. Yes, please. She told me in semi-whispers (Mum was alert and within hearing) that the consultant had decided that she was not a suitable candidate for non-invasive ventilation and they were basically just supporting her. Pause. I’m thinking…is this code for letting her die? I said, “You know we’ve been here before ?” When I explained about the other occasions she said, “Oh that explains it, I thought you were being very brave.” Hmm, so it WAS code. This unsatisfactory conversation was concluded when she’d taken Mum’s blood. I wanted to follow her outside to get a fuller picture but she’d asked me to hold down the cotton wool on Mum’s puncture wound for a minute and by the time I went outside to find her she’d long gone.
I asked one of the nurses if that was the ‘appointment’ and she confirmed that it was. Hmmm.
After visiting with Mum a while longer I left and went down to her house to make sure everything was as it should be.
Oh dear, there were open bags of sheets left next to her kitchen, urine soaked nightclothes left on the floor of the kitchen, milk left opened and out of the fridge on the kitchen worktop and general mess, empty bottles not put in the bin, no liner put in the bin..it just goes on and on.
After quite a stressful few days I need a break for a day but then I’m looking forward to having a real good clean up at Mum’s.
Caring for Mum 